We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
