Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
