sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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