This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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