just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
