i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
