C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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