too bad you live with your parents still
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
