I can tuck mytits in my pants
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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