i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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