You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
