She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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