Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
