I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
