I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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