when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
