I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
