College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
