Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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