I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
