Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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