Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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