It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
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I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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