Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
