I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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