You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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