You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
