One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
