Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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