There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
