she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
