your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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