im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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