My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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