It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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