would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
