we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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