It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
we should paint friendship bongs
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