So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
