I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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