I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
