I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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