you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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