He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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