Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
