They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize