I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
