Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
