You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
