I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
