girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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