So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
