doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
