If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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