wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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