fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
