So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
