why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
