dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
