Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize