ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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