The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
