We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
