The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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