I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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