i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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