I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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