puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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