I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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