I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
