Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
