I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
