I need help removing her.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
