Can i not drive my cunt home
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
