im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
