Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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