It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
