Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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