I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
