I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
