K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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