And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
