i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize