I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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